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…or maybe NOT
As we start another calendar year, most of us start evaluating our life choices. We tend to look back at last year and ask ourselves, “What could I have done better?” And then we start hounding ourselves about all the things that we could have and should have done better.
Well, I always like to say…. “Don’t should on yourself.”
That statement has two meanings. You can read it with a four-lettered “S-word” in there, and in that case, the meaning is quite evident.
But what does it mean to “should” on yourself. Well, for starters, it means that you can’t look back at what you did with your 20-20 hindsight and make a different decision now. It’s too late, and your choice has already been made…and any consequences have already come and gone.
Think about how you feel when someone else says something along these lines:
“You should invest in crypto-currency.”
“You should eat less.”
“You should exercise more.”
“You should buy this car, not that one.”
How does that word, “should,” make you feel?
It makes me feel like digging my heels in and saying, “How do you know what I should do?”
Now, let’s think about using those same sayings, but this time you are saying them to yourself. Think about how that makes you feel.
Go ahead, take a moment, I’ll wait….
Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.
-Jordan B. Petersen
…sorry, I lost track of time and was busy thinking of all the things I should have done last year…
If you’re like me, inherently you internalize this to mean that you failed in some area. Your investments were too little, or unprofitable. You ate too much and all the wrong foods. You didn’t exercise enough (or maybe at all).
The point is, we only focus on the negative choices that we made. The word “should” never conjures up a positive thought.
Because of this, I will encourage you to avoid using the word “should,” especially when making your resolutions this year.
Better still, don’t make resolutions. Maybe this year we can make decisions, and then act on those.
Setting smaller step-goals that help you to get from your starting point to your end goal is also very helpful.
I wrote about that about in a blog entitled Crush your New Year’s Resolutions with LASER! 3-years ago (January 2019). As I re-read that blog I realized that I really should take my own advice…lol.
As Jordan Petersen so eloquently puts it, think about helping yourself as if you are helping a friend. I’m betting you would be a lot more forgiving and have greater understanding of a friend that you are helping than you afford yourself.
…and that’s doubly compounded when you look at yourself and think of what you “should” have done.
So this year, as you make decision for what changes you want to make, treat yourself well, and with more mercy. This does not give you freedom to be a “push-over” and undisciplined. Rather, it means that you are going to have some tough times moving ahead toward your goals…and it’s not the failing that matters, it’s picking back up and moving onward towards the goal.
Don’t look at the failing and say “I should have done better.” Remember, that is going to focus on the negative. Most likely, at the time you made it, you could not have made a different decision…otherwise you would have. It’s only hindsight that gives you the perspective that a different decision could have been made.
You can, however, look at the failing and figure out why it happened, so you learn from it. Then you can realize how not to make that same mistake, or have that same failing. It becomes a lesson, which is positive.
And lessons on what to avoid are powerful. Maybe more powerful than lessons on what to do.
So this year, as you begin to set goals and make resolutions, try not to “should” on yourself. Learn from the past and use those lessons to be more successful this year!
3 Responses
The Lord helps us to walk past things and if we are paying attention we will be able to use them in our future as a helpful tool.
Well said, Evelyn! Thanks as always for taking a few minutes to read our blog.